Looking For Tad

We joke about everyone in the Valley being related. With my nieces marriage to Mark. We now have a good shot at it 3 or 4 times removed. A friend of ours has taken up genealogy and keeps finding new home grown relatives. Much to the chagrin to my mother.
Usually it's some one she wouldn't cross the street to say howdy to. If Path valley had actual streets. There are some good things about being able to just walk down the road.


On the drive home from the wedding reception ,by way of Akron .I was told I had behaved differently. Different! How?. " Not like Dad" I had a good time. Which is n't that unusual . What was fifferent ? Well the boys had never been in a group that large where everyone new each other.Multiple generations, who had known each other all their lives. Looking back on it. I was not as restrained or guarded as normal. Tad showed up. They had never met Tad . I had n't seen him for a while myself. Which is odd, I used to see him in the mirror everyday.

I have missed him though , often I have stood there toothbrush in hand wondering what ever happened to him. Well even your dog goes away if you ignore it long enough. The you just forget he was ever there . Why he left to I don't really know. Well. Actually if I am honest about it, I squeezed the life out of him.Or life squeezed him out of me.

Most people don't remember Tad or know where he came from. Tad came about in 1968 at Hidden valley a Boy Scout camp in central Pa. Some what influenced by the theme song from Red Skeleton's T.V. show. My father was one of our adult leaders that week. Dad was a definite type A personality. Some one commented he was always croaking about something. Hence Frogger. I was tagged with Son of Frogger. It took a day or two to evolve to Tadpole then to Tad

Tad was also the name of a character on Dark Shadows. (Just a trivia point). I was Tad for a long time. I can categorise people on how they address me. Markie: Few living people call me Markie those that do are part of the original cast. Tad: Classmates , friends of that era. Marc: Most of the world now after I stenciled my name and social on my underwear in boot camp. Marcus: teacher/instructor or someone I have had a formal business relationship with.

I liked Tad, still do. most people do. Some what a smart ass, annoying at times but pretty easy going. You may think Tad was quiet, until you knew him. In recent years Marc has actually been asked if he ever laughed or had a sense of humor. Tad was never asked that . quite the opposite. Both Tad and Marc have a sarcastic dry wit. Some where along the line Marc realized not everyone appreciated it and decided not to inflict himself randomly on others. A real loss to society there! Even now Tad slips out at home and certain overly serious teenagers get agitated and want to know why I have to joke about everything.

Neither of us were ever overly concerned about appearance's Looking stupid trying something different. Or being different. Marc is a bit more concerned with offending or hurting someones feeling. Neither of us worry about people may think about us. If all you have to do is worry about what I'm doing. Well . Glad to help,enjoy.

Both of us realized a long time ago we were not always the smartest person in the room. Marc just enjoys watching those who do prove they're not. Tad would have to argue . Why Tad went away.
Well, honestly, he just could not stand Marc any more. Our lives are so much different. Tad was too inflexible too regimented. Too self centered. Tad did pretty much what he wanted. On schedule , His schedule. At work by 6 off at 2:30. Work out at gym pull or push. Climb week ends. or ski depending on the season or both. 2 0r 3 climbing sessions through the week?

Marc schedule? Don't have one. I am on call 24 / 7, Who needs to go where and when? Long run and bike or short run and bike. Tell me the week end and I could tell you where I would probably be. Tad was always on time . Most likely early. I never ran late until marriage and kids.. Being a Federal Employee I could take off anytime some one called. And I did! More than once I left for work in the morning found myself in New York or West Virginia in the evening.

Now Tad was not a bad guy. Went to church at least once a month with his parents. Had diner or lunch once a week with them. Had to get my laundry done some how ! ( We'll discuss the expression of love through food and folding clothes later ). Tad was a funhawg. Some people would do not consider long runs or toting a 40 pound pack around fun. Then again neither of us ever claimed to be normal.

In my darker moments I can point to when the demise of Tad began. Soon after the move south. I left my friends/support group. No one called anymore! Some one asks Marc about a friend of his now , There' a good chance I will reply." Ain't got no Friends". I think thats funny. I also know it's not true! friends do call or at least email. What I don't have is time.

Did I mention Tad was single. He actually seriously considered marriage twice and twice did the other person a favor by deciding not to. But, If you would have told Tad how Marcs life was going now. He would say," Just like I planned . It is the details that get you!"

Tad had a long range plan for his . Made decisions aware of the likely outcomes and consequence's. Which is probably why he didn't marry until his early thirties and why nearly 20 years later is still married. I realized . Time management becomes an issue especially when it's no longer just your time. Becoming a backyard blacksmith and stay at home dad was one of them. I knew from the start what I was getting into. Years later I read a magazine article about the issues that people who quite work and become stay at home parents. I could have wrote it.

I got through it with prayer and running laps around the yard. I came to a cross roads or point you hit every now and then. Where you have to make a decision to keep going in the same direction or make a change. When the top button of my bib overalls became hard to button, big!decision time. Even spending quality time with an anvil doesn't burn enough calories. Especially when eating becomes a hobby! I 'm not sure how deep Tad was buried because I quite weighing myself after I hit a certain weight. I was not looking for Tad as much as trying to rescue Marc.

I measured the perimeter of our lot and started running laps. I could still watch the boys and get a few miles in. Desperate people do desperate things. We always have considered how our decisions affect our family. Nearly everything Tad enjoys doing are not activities everyone can participate in. Or want to. I 've seen people who drag the kids along with them climbing etc. Now since they have been small we have gone camping and climbing trips . But have kept it age appropriate. We try to expose our kids to knew things and encourage their interest. The key phrase there is " their interests" . They have to want to . The only pushing we do is grades. Our standards are higher than the schools. If the grades aren't there. Your activities over. With the ability to track grades online we know hats coming down at the end of the marking period. I actually feel sorry for them. I remember all Tad wanted from school was to get out.

Tad still wants to get out. He does now and then on occasions. A bit more subdued or maybe refined which am muses both of us. Fishbelly gets a chuckle out of it too. But that or him is a different story.

Giving

One aspect of growth is learning to be generous, giving time and money. What ever is needed when the opportunity presents itself. I 've benefited countless times myself, the previously mentioned can of soda. Patience and tolerance of my idiosyncrasies the most common gift i receive, gratefully.

Several years ago in a valley far , far away, at a swimming pool in the middle of a corn field. A high school graduation party was going on. When we offered to compensate "repay" our two classmates who acquired the beverages. They refused to accept. It was their gift. After being pressed by several of his classmates to accept one of our benefactors replied " the problem with the world is no one knows how to accept a gift". I had two thought nearly simultaneously. ( being younger then it didn't make me dizzy)..I thought .Wow , kind of profound,, He heard that some where. He's had about as many original thoughts as I have. At least he remembered it and passed it along.

Now , I am making the jump from underage drinking, something I,ve out grown to Mark 12:43-44, The widow who gave all and the realization this is more about false pride then anything else.
I believe everyone has a need to give.We are also are directed to give. So , Who are we to refuse a gift of charity. When we are giving them a chance to give. I can name names of people that would die before accepting free cup of coffee. They are literally aghast at the thought of accepting anything from anybody or is it the thought of some one finding out. I understand the mind set. I've had this conversation with friends and family. Don't you need the money? The amount we are talking about , no. Now I could put a 100,000. to good use.
If you provide a service you deserve the pay you earn. I understand wanting to pay your own way. One Saturday morning there was a knock at the door. A gentleman speaking rather poor English wanted to know if I was the welder . The stick shift had broken off at the base. He removed it from the car, I welded it. Ten minutes. I wanted to get on with my week end. He wanted to pay me. Which he should rightfully expect to do. Now my hourly rate's close to what his cars blue book value. Not to mention getting me to work on Saturday morning. I told him no problem, no charge.He then pulled out a wad of cash to show he could pay.
Now welding is not my primary pursuit but it is something I am skilled at. My craft and time are blessings from god. They are mine to give as I choose. I try to make the right choices.I also saw that my new friend had the need to pay. I allowed him. Held out my hand " $5 please, Thank You very much". He was happy and I would have been just as happy to give him more to help with gas.
But and there 's always a but! He most likely had a family to provide for. You need a car to get to work the grocery store . This was a repair he needed and like the rest of us planned to pay for.
He came to my door with money in his pocket not his hand out. Who am I or we to tell someone else how to spend their money or to give there resources. Is it pride that gets in the way. When we do give and someone thanks us we then say " No thank You". When the proper response ( Miss Manners backs me up) is You're Welcome
If we can not accept someones gratitude. How can we accept grace.